I love to write and connect with my readers on many topics related to breakups. But I tend to find they go into two categories.
One category is answering questions that we have probably all asked at some point after a breakup. And it’s what I call the ‘debit question’.
Essentially, it depletes YOU, and asking it is not putting YOU front and centre. Instead, it’s focused on HIM (whether it’s him missing you, him with a new partner, or him ignoring you).
The other category is answering questions that we have also probably all asked or wondered about at some point after a breakup. It’s the ‘credit question’. This is focused on YOU and your pain and your desperation to recover.
It’s not asking about your ex and his new girlfriend – it’s you asking how you can navigate the pain, how you can move on when you’ve been blindsided, how you can stop obsessively thinking about someone. Exploring this topic moves YOU forward and puts your ex in the rear-view mirror.
I’ve asked both types of questions myself, so there is never any judgment here.
If I can spare anyone from signing up for a masterclass on ‘how to get your ex back’ or if your ‘ex has a new girlfriend, how you can stop it progressing‘ and ‘how you can make him miss you‘, then I hope that I can provide a clear, helpful and compassionate summary for you asking the question today ‘my ex has a new girlfriend, does he miss me?‘
Is there any chance he misses me even though he has a new girlfriend?
In an ideal world following a breakup, both parties would behave impeccably. There’d be respectful space and distance, the perfect amount of time would go by and at the exact same time, both parties would suddenly feel ready to move on and meet someone new.
I would not have a business if this was the case – we all know the agony, distorted recovery times and absolutely baffling paces our exes can move at when we have suffered a breakup.
When you ask, ‘Is there any chance he misses me even though he has a new girlfriend?‘, the answer is yes.
Depending on your relationship and how it ended, even the most disastrous endings often leave both parties lamenting the good times, the companionship and the battle against the ever-present loneliness that looms after a breakup.
If your ex moved on and has a new girlfriend, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss you.
Why? Because she is not you. What makes you YOU is not her, but it also doesn’t mean that because he misses you, something is wrong, and you should, therefore, still be together.
What makes him miss you (or not)
You can’t miss what you don’t have. If someone gets even half an opportunity to miss you, it’s from feeling your absence. How do they do that? Simple. By you going No Contact.
There’s so much to be said for this topic (HL) and what it really is about, but when used correctly, it’s not done with the intention of eliciting a reaction out of him (such as missing you even though he has a new girlfriend).
The single best way to get someone back OR get over your ex (probably the two most frequent questions I ever get asked) is the same path. It’s No Contact.
That’s a good thing! So many of you want to be over the breakup, but you’re also scared that it actually means he will be ‘gone, gone.’ And you don’t think you want that either.
IF someone is meant to be in your life, that becomes apparent in the breakup period.
No Contact is the very precious space that opens after a breakup – I like to think of it as a planting patch because it’s fertile ground. You’re planting good things for yourself, but also, if there was any chance of this working with your ex, you’ll find it during this time, too.
How long it normally takes for an ex to start missing you
Breakups at the very beginning are ROUGH, but it’s also when you get the most attention.
Friends, family and colleagues flock in, and there’s social recognition for your pain, your loss, and the journey ahead in recovering from the breakup.
It’s also a distracting period, and chances are your ex won’t miss you at the start because he’s busy with the breakup’s attention from social circles he will be getting.
When that social recognition drops off and life returns to a perceived ‘normal’ for your ex, the loneliness vacuum will come in.
As for how long it takes? I’d estimate a couple of weeks, but the context of the breakup is key.
How to make him miss you – even with his new girlfriend around
‘How do I make him miss me?’ is a question I don’t like – especially with a new girlfriend in tow.
Why? Because it’s detracting you from the work you could be putting in now to get yourself through your pain.
Are you asking that question? Are you in pain, and do you know what the opposite of pain is in a breakup context? Indifference. You want to be indifferent to what he is doing and who he is doing it with.
But you won’t make him miss you by posting on social media. You make him miss you by him feeling the absence of you – actions speak SO much louder than words, and living a dignified life after a breakup is actually a masterclass in how to both elevate your confidence and your recovery and make him see what he’s lost.
Reducing anything down to game playing, social media tactics, or gossip keeps you in the loop – hanging on to his next move, then lamenting when he posts a picture of his new girlfriend (firmly reminding you of how YOU are spending this same time.)
Will my ex missing me turn into regret?
Who can say – the question is, why do you want him to regret it?
So that he can feel the pain you are feeling right now? Or so you can feel vindicated that he made a mistake losing you?
Either way – it boils down to a simple fact. If the two of you were meant to be together, you would be. Him missing you or being regretful doesn’t change that, but it does keep YOU stuck.
Signs he’s moved on
Moving on can come in many forms:
- Continued silence
- Physical absence
- Zero contact
- New relationship
However strong or vague the sign may be, take it and grasp it hard and run with it. You never needed it in the first place to be able to move on by yourself.
Final thoughts
Sometimes, the writing on my blog posts can come across as blunt, but it comes back to the ‘credit or debit’ type questions my readers ask.
I know the depths of heartache and breakups, and I created my business to help anyone in that place.
I know the debit questions, like my ex has a new girlfriend, does he miss me? And I know the position someone is already in when asking.
I know there are so many things out there that will cater to that question in an insincere and money-grabbing way and will leave the person broke, frustrated and still stuck in the depths of their breakup.
Debit questions focus on the person who has gone, their reactions, their thoughts and their desires – all things you can never control.
A loss of control is what we feel the most after being broken up with, and seeking it afterwards is so natural.
Instead of trying to control this in him, direct it back to you with GENUINELY helpful behaviour and questions and advice. You’ve got this.
Love Georgie x